Saturday, October 31, 2009

Terror In The Townhouse



Hi everyone, Katie here.

The day started out as any other. Gloman squeezed me out of his side of the bed until he got up. Glogirly slumbered away on her side while I watched and waited. And waited. Hunger pains piercing through my empty kitty tummy.  Finally when I could tell she was heading for the steps I sped down through her legs and past her. Again I waited. SO patiently I waited by my empty food dish. At last I munched down my dry kibble while Glogirly and Gloman dined lavishly. So far, par for the course.

That's when things started to go terribly wrong. I heard talk of a family photo, a Halloween portrait of sorts. You know what THAT means. Costumes. Probably for me. Well I took off before anyone could notice. I will NOT be forced into another ridiculous costume for the sake of some stupid photo.


Next thing, I noticed Glogirly in the bathroom upstairs. She was combing her hair and putting on make-up. Taking a lot of time with it I'd say. Little did I know she was adding a little extra something to her usual 'do.'

Still uneasy, I kept a low profile. I heard the camera downstairs. Probably Gloman checking out the light, trying to remember how to turn that silly thing on. Hope I don't have to remind him about the lens cap. No one has approached me with a cat sized costume yet. I'm starting to feel a little better. No tutus, no hats, no wings. So I decide to go check out the action.
Now please, I urge you to continue with caution. The following is rated MA for mature audiences only. What I saw when I approached Gloman and the creature I thought was Glogirly was terrifying.

This so-called family photo shoot was about to turn into a savage scene of torture, deception and mayhem. Gloman was taking photos of this hideous impostor. She smelled like Glogirly. She sounded like Glogirly. But she was NOT, I tell you, Glogirly. This beast, and she was huge, had EARS. Not the floppy pink kind that humans have attached to the sides of their heads. She had HUGE catlike ears. Sticking right out the top of her head. The girl beast was easily 15 times my size. Her ears alone were 20 times larger than mine. And if that wasn't disturbing enough, she had a black nose and whiskers. She was terrifying. The stuff of which horror films are made.

The plan was for me to sit down next to her, really super close, on a stool. Something about a Halloween portrait of the two catgirls. Well I would have NONE of that. I showed THEM... they weren't gonna get close to me. I puffed up my hair right down the center of my back, like a mohawk. I puffed out my tail and gave them my best "stay the freaking h*ll away from me" look. And do you know what they did? Do you? They laughed. They laughed so hard they nearly wet themselves. The girl beast with the ears tried to tell me she was Glogirly. That I had nothing to be scared of. Yeah right.

Then Gloman, I'll never trust HIM again, came over to me and gave me a line of sweet talk. Picked me up and brought me over to the girl beast. That was all I could take. It was do or die. Gloman put me on the stool and I let out a ferocious growl and the hiss heard 'round the world. I twisted and contorted myself, made them think I was going into convulsions. I landed on the floor with a thump, in cloud of flying fur. All they heard was the sound of claws searching for traction on the hardwood floor. All they saw was a flash of black and white, speeding away like a rocket ship.

Well the photo shoot went on without me. Gloman took more and more pictures of the girl beast. Today's blog serves as proof of the horrific incident. The two of them continued to stalk me throughout the townhouse. Laughing and pointing. Taking even more photos.
At one point I got close to the girl beast.

A little too close if you ask me.



Terror in the townhouse. 
Scarred for life.








Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Inside The Actor's Studio




Hi Everyone, Katie here.

Many of you are familiar with James Lipton, the engaging host of the
television show, Inside the Actor's Studio. His reserved personality,
or rather lack thereof, can be found regularly on the Bravo channel.
I have no idea when it airs because I'm a cat and I can't read the
TV Guide. Gloman hates the show, can't stand Mr. Lipton. But occasionally Glogirly will catch it when someone interesting is
on as a guest.

Although much of Lipton's show is quite unmemorable, usually a dry question and answer type of thing, he always finishes it off with the "Questionnaire made famous by the French television personality Bernard Pivot."

So I submit to you, adoring fans, my answers.
Answers made famous by the Minneapolis-based blogging cat, Katie.


#1

Lipton:
What is your favorite word?

Katie:
KATIE.








#2

Lipton:
What is your least favorite word?

Katie:
Ssss







#3

Lipton:
What turns you on?

Katie:
Flirting.







#4

Lipton:
What turns you off?

Katie:
Jalapeno peppers.








#5

Lipton:
What sound do you love?

Katie:
Glogirly playing the piano.








#6

Lipton:
What sound do you hate?

Katie:
The doorbell.








#7

Lipton:
What is your favorite
curse word?

Katie:
HISS







#8

Lipton:
What profession other than
yours would you like to attempt?
Katie:
Keeping my options open.
Maybe Pole Dancing.




#8 part two

Lipton:
You sound indecisive.
Anything else?
Katie:
I'm thinking a maid or a hooker.
I've blogged about these
bed-friendly careers as well.





#9

Lipton:
What profession would
you not like to do?

Katie:
Tour Guide.







#10

Lipton:
If heaven exists, what would
you like to hear God say when
you arrive at the pearly gates?
Katie:
When I created cats, I never
imagined a cat such as you.





I encourage you all to answer the questions made famous by the French television personality Bernard Pivot, whoever he is.
James would be touched.



Pole Dancing



Hi everyone, Katie here.

I'm a pole dancer. My townhouse is three levels and I have a pole on every floor. My primary pole is on the main floor. That's where all the action is.

I love my poles. My poles loves me. Only me. I'm very protective of my poles. Visitors & intruders, ice machine repairmen, even Gloman & Glogirly are not allowed to play with my poles.



As you can imagine, I was more than a little irked when Black Cat decided to hang out right on top of my primary pole. The nerve!



You see my pole is sacred to me. I go to it when I'm under stress. I go to it when I need to escape the pressures of daily life. I go to it for exercise and to release my pent up energy. Alas, I go to it when I'm feeling blue.



We have a connection, my pole and I. A deep and spiritual connection that I hold tight in my grip.



So mitts off, Black Cat. Get your own stinkin' pole. This one is mine.






Monday, October 26, 2009

It's Chili Here



Hi everyone, Katie here.

I kept myself distracted from my legal affairs yesterday by supervising the townhouse chili operation. Gloman is working on a cookbook for his ad agency...he is doing all of the food photography for the entire book. Every member of the agency has to submit a favorite recipe, prepare it, and then assist in the styling and photography of their recipe. Well since Gloman is the photographer, that makes Glogirly by default, the grocery shopper, cooker, photo stylist and clean-up detail girl.




So yesterday was devoted to chili prep. I had to go over the recipe with Glogirly. You know, make sure she understood the ingredients and what to do. I told her to go easy on the jalapenos. I'm a cat and I'm not a fan.




I supervised Glogirly as she assembled all the ingredients on the counter. Jalapenos and onions at the ready. That silly sheep/goat thing on the wall there is hers. She was on a vacation in Banff once and fell in love with all the mountain sheep that were walking along the trails. She found this stuffed head, brought it home and here it hangs. In the kitchen for Cod's sake. I guess I should be thankful she's not got a cat head on the wall.



Then finally, after most of the kitchen floor was destroyed, we had chili. There are no photos to document the inherent mess. Glogirly is much like me in that we don't like messes. And we really don't like photos of messes. Everything in it's place keeps us calm and happy.



So today Glogirly is off to the ad agency to help with the chili photo shoot. I offered to go, certainly they could use some supervision. But she said that there are no cats allowed in the kitchen studio. Fine, if that's what she wants me to think. I know the real reason is that everyone would be jealous. They'd all wish they had a cat as smart and good looking as me to bring to work.



GLOMAN'S SPICY CHILI
Gloman says that the coffee and beer
give his chili a unique and dynamic flavor.
He recommends garnishing with sour cream,
cheddar cheese and diced jalapenos.

I on the other hand am leery of anything
with beer, coffee and jalapenos.

...Glogirly says that she'll try to bring home
a REAL photo of the chili for you.


Ingredients ~

2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 onions, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 pound lean ground beef
3/4 pound cubed top sirloin
1 (14.5 ounce) can peeled and diced tomatoes with juice
12 ounces dark beer
1 cup strong brewed coffee
2 (6 ounce) cans tomato paste
1 (14 ounce) can beef broth
3.5 tablespoons chili powder
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon ground coriander
1 teaspoon salt
1 (15 ounce-ish) can red kidney beans
1 (15 ounce-ish) can pinto beans
1 (15 ounce-ish) can butter beans
2 jalapeno peppers, finely chopped, no seeds


Directions ~
  1. Heat the oil in a large pot over medium heat. Add the onions, garlic, ground beef and the sirloin and saute for 10 minutes, or until the meat is well browned and the onions are tender.
  2. Then add the diced tomatoes, beer, coffee, tomato paste, beef broth, chili powder, cumin, cocoa powder, oregano, cayenne pepper, coriander, salt, jalapeno peppers and half the beans. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 1 1/2 hours.
  3. Add the remaining beans and simmer for another 30 minutes.
  4. Makes 11 one-cup servings

CAUTION - HOT



PS -
For you veggie lovers out there, just eliminate the beef and substitute in more beans. The flavor is still great! Black beans, even canellinni beans would be yummy. Glogirly is a low-carb girl, so she tries to "beef up" the protein and trim back on the beans.




Saturday, October 24, 2009

My Boring Saturday



Hi everyone, Katie here.

Well Glogirly is no fun at all. She spent all week in this so-called advanced accelerated learning program at the University of St. Thomas. ...Mini MBA Certificate something or another.



"I think I'll call it a 'mini' MBA," blah, blah...I'd rather watch Dr. Evil and Austin Powers thank you. If she's supposed to be all suddenly smart, I'm not seeing it.



Smartypants has done nothing but sleep since she came home Friday night. This afternoon I caught her watching streaming video of the latest Grey's Anatomy on her laptop. I bet that will look good on her resume. Sheesh, I was lucky to get my food dish topped off today.




So once again I'm on my own. Making my own fun. Fall is practically over here in Minneapolis. Only one last tree that looks any good. Of course I have to stare at it out the front window. Can't go outside and all. You know the rules.





Glogirly wanted to hold me. I hate that. I'm not a lap cat. I cuddle only on my own terms. So I gave here a good 30 seconds or so before I let her know I had places to go.




Maybe tomorrow will hold a bit more excitement. I hear we are going to be making a very special chili recipe. Something about spicy jalapenos. I'm not sure I like the sounds of that.