Sunday, October 18, 2009

I've Been Framed


Hi everyone, Katie here.

I hope you're sitting down while you read this. I've been framed. I'll say it again for impact. I've been framed. I've been wrongly accused of a terrible crime and my world has been turned upside down here in the townhouse. Apparently some hack for The Kitty City Gazette has published a report identifying ME as the guilty-until- proven-innocent party in a most shocking and horrifying crime. It's spreading like wildfire all over the blogosphere. My reputation as well as my entire future is at stake here.


You can read the article
HERE. This so-called reporter, SharynZ, did not even bother to contact me for a comment. The story involves corruption, reckless endangerment and murder. What the report fails to disclose however is that I was framed by a 5 year-old Domestic Short Hair that goes by the name of "Vito." When the police questioned me I told them that Vito had been flirting with me. Soon after the initial contact I became disoriented and confused. The last thing I remembered was coming to and finding myself in the shower. The SHOWER!!! Well I've got one word for you. Rohypnol. You know, the date rape drug. This Vito guy slipped me a rufy and proceeded to take advantage of my compromised state. Cod only knows what he tried to do to me. Due to the effects of the said drug, I may never be able to remember. It may be so horrifying that my subconscious will block the events forever.




The police tried to handcuff me. Even gave the key to Red Dog. Fortunately I'm such a petite cat with delicate wrists, their big clumsy cuffs didn't fit. Well you know what that means. If they don't fit, you must acquit.






In response to the KC Gazette's allegations, all I can say is that I am NOT a Prego girl. Ragu is the only spaghetti sauce I ever touch. Glogirly knows that. Gloman knows that. I'm sure the grocery store man knows it too. I had nothing to do with the opened jar of Prego spaghetti sauce that is at the center of this shocking story.



So please my friends, keep me in your thoughts. I am seeking alternative legal representation in an effort to get these ridiculous charges dropped before my trial date. But time is a-wasting. I will try to keep you apprised of my situation.

I'm innocent I tell you, INNOCENT!


14 comments:

  1. Oh dear! I know you are innocent! I hope this Vito character is brought to justice.

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  2. Did dey even try to find dat "Vito" character? We knew something was really wrong when we read dat yoo supposedly took a *shiver* shower!

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  3. See? I knowed da shower was an impawtant fact! I's been watchin lots of Monk an you has to pay tension to fings like dat! May I recommend Finnegan J. Katz, Esq? He defended me when I had a spot of trubble a cupple years ago. Plant Pluckin is a serious offense but he got me released to my beans' custody wif court-ordered play therapy no fewer than 3 times per week. Here's him's card:

    Finnegan J. Katz, Esq.
    http://2carolinacats.blogspot.com/

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  4. That same reporter once wrote that I busted out a shelf full of stuffed animals at a local store....I was innocent and I know you are too ;)

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  5. Oh Katie, I am behind you 100%! I suspect Red Dog had his paw in this! You need an Attorney At Claw!

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  6. Yes, get a good attorney and demand restitution for defamation of your character. I will send a knife in a cat food cake if you do end up in the slammer. I don't know what you would do with a knife but maybe you could cut the cake.

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  7. It's ok Katie, you'll be fine. My momma and I were wrongly implicated before and we got ourselves a good attorney:
    http://www.thekittycitygazette.com/2009/09/lost-dinner-fork-found-dead-on-lynnwood.html

    We were cleared of all charges in the end...and the CB got a good laugh so it wasn't so bad afterall.

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  8. We're sure it's a case of mistaken identity!! Get yourself a good attorney (hey, isn't that an oxymoron??)!!

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  9. I am sure that Vito is the guilty party. You would never do anything like that, Katie. Victor's right. You need to contact Finnegan J. Katz, Esq. He'll get to the bottom of this.

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  10. of course you are innocent! someone with such a cute face cannot be guilty

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  11. OH MY WORD!!! We know it, just know it, that you're as innocent as they come!!! Why would anyone want to frame you??? That's just ludacrous!!!

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  12. Dear Miss Katie,

    Finnegan J. Katz, Esq. at your service. I have begun collecting evidence in order to purrpare the best case in yore defense. I will be in touch via email to ask a few questions regarding some discrepancies in the news story.

    Respectfully yours,

    Finnegan J. Katz, Esq.

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  13. Katie
    We are so glad that Finn took your case. HE is good really good. WE remember when he got Victor off because he was innocent too. WE know he will do the same for you. Do not worry your pretty tuxie head over this.

    purrs
    Abby

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  14. Katie, we too recommend you hire Finnegan J. Katz. He did some work for me once and his fees are very reasonable. He works for catnip, you know.

    Although we can't testify as material witnesses since we weren't there at the time of the alleged incident, we can testify as character witnesses on your behalf.

    Max S. & The Crew

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