MODERATOR: Welcome to the 2016 Residential Cat Debate. We're live here at the Townhouse for one of the most highly anticipated events of the residential election season. In an intimate town hall format, Katie and Waffles will be taking the gloves off to go pawno-a-pawno on the issues most important to...
well, most important to them.
Let's get ready for some fireworks and welcome cats, Katie and Waffles.
WAFFLES: Ding, ding, ding!
KATIE: That's not how this works, Waffles. We're supposed to have a substantive discussion on important issues. This is not about ringing each other's bells.
WAFFLES: That's not what I heard. I was told there would be bells.
Round 1: Breakfast
MODERATOR: The media has reported allegations of repeated Crimes Against Breakfast at the Townhouse. Our first question comes from Fleas Witherspoon on Facebook. Fleas posted, "Who is the bigger food thief, Katie or Waffles?"
Katie, who won the catnip mouse toss, will be the first to respond.
KATIE: Food thief? The answer is clear. Every single day, I'm forced to eat my breakfast behind closed doors so that my opponent keeps his sticky paws to himself.
WAFFLES: Sticky paws? I don't have sticky–
MODERATOR: Waffles, please allow Katie to answer. You'll have a chance to respond after her 2 minutes.
WAFFLES: 2 minutes??? That's like forever. I can eat BOTH our breakfasts in less than 45 seconds.
KATIE: Enough said.
Round 2: Litter Box Etiquette
MODERATOR: Waffles, we'll start with you on the next question. Luke Skywhisker tweets, "Do you share litter boxes?"
WAFFLES: Hey Boss, I can't remember. Which box is yours again?
KATIE: The one you're always using.
WAFFLES: For #1 or #2?
KATIE: What does it matter, Waffles? You're using my box for at least 1/2 of your business.
WAFFLES: I'm just spreading the love, Boss.
KATIE: You're spreading something, alright.
MODERATOR: Waffles, Katie, we're getting a little off track and need to move on.
KATIE: Where are you going, Waffles?
WAFFLES: The moderator guy said we have to move on. I'm moving on.
KATIE: He meant moving on to the next question, not the next room.
Round 3: Toys
MODERATOR: Our last question comes via email from Ali McClaw. Ali writes, "Catnip mouse or red dot?"
Katie, what is your response?
KATIE: Definitely catnip mouse. Red dots are nothing but tiny red flashlights pretending to be toys. You can't catch them, you can't chew them, you can't bunny kick them. Their batteries run out and then what do you have? Despite what my opponent thinks, they're not even real toys.
WAFFLES: The red dot isn't real???
From all of us at the Townhouse, we want to thank you for joining us today as Katie and Waffles debate the issues and respond to the tough questions.
Now it's time to turn the questions over to you.
1) Who do YOU think won today's debate?
2) What would you like to ask Katie and Waffles at the next Residential Cat Debate?