Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Tree



Hi everyone, Katie here.

I should have known. So many clues. The turkey: Gone. Pumpkin pie: Nothing but a couple of crumbs. Mashed potatoes: Are you kidding? Gone. All that remains is a huge pile of useless cranberry sauce. Ick.


More clues. Gloman has not been working. He's been spending a considerable amount of time watching bad TV and eating cheese.


And Glogirly is talking Tree. Christmas tree.



So off they went in the big SUV. Their mission: The perfect Chiristmas tree. Well, that was Glogirly's mission. Gloman's mission was A tree, ANY tree, as quickly as possible while avoiding traffic, crowds and lines. This was the day after Thanksgiving mind you, so Gloman's mission was somewhat naive. And when it comes to the picking of the Christmas tree, I bet you can guess who's the boss in this townhouse.

I heard they drove for over an hour to find the big tree farm out in the country. Hampton Hills it's called. Whenever Gloman drives to the tree farm, he loves to yell, "We're goin' to the Hamptons!" ... just like George Costanza does in one of his favorite Seinfeld episodes.




I heard that Glogirly insisted on a Fraser Fir. But Gloman thought the only REAL Christmas trees were the ones with the LONG needles. I'm sure his opinion had more to do with the whole traffic, crowd, lines thing though.



Eventually they returned with the perfect tree. I nearly starved while they were gone. Gloman hoisted the giant fir up onto the 2nd floor balcony, just outside the sliding glass doors, so as not to leave a trail of tree parts scattered throughout the townhouse. He took care of the manly duties like giving it a fresh and reasonably straight cut, placing it in the rickety tree stand and finally, attempting to make it stand up straight. Most of this was performed outside on the 2nd floor balcony with the door shut so I could not hear what he was saying. I could tell the conversation between him and the tree wasn't going well.

Once he dragged the giant fir inside and positioned it as per Glogirly's direction, he promptly returned to the sofa to and resumed the cheese eating and bad TV watching.


I took a quick look at the tree and high tailed it upstairs so that I could supervise the progress without getting in trouble.


If I've learned one thing over the past few Christmases, I've learned that when Glogirly is decorating the tree, she does NOT welcome help. I've tried. I have a real eye for this kind of stuff you know. But she will have none of me.

Once the heavy decorating and vacuuming was complete, it was safe for me to come closer. I like to sit as close as I can without actually touching. Or without getting caught touching.



You know what they say about "when the cat's away?" Well, when Glogirly is away, THIS cat will most definitely play.




Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thanks



Hi everyone, Katie here.

So I'm told that tomorrow is Thanksgiving. In preparation for this holiday, I'd like to draw your attention to what I consider to be the must-have of etiquette bibles, 'Miss Manners Guide To Excruciatingly Correct Cat Behavior.' Judith Martin and I go way back. At her request, I consulted with her on this very special edition of her now famous etiquette guide for modern cats in a modern world.

Judy has a cheeky sense of humor and likes to throw in little stories and pictures. In the Thanksgiving chapter there is talk of things like roasted turkey, pumpkin pie and which fork Aunt Candy mistakenly used for pickles. She has a great how-to section on making sparkling dinner conversation and chewing with your mouth closed. There's even a full page spread devoted to carving the turkey and how to know when it's time to put down the carving knife and pull out the claws. She describes an unfortunate accident when Uncle Casey, a clumsy Main Coon, catapulted the cooked bird out the sliding glass door while trying to carve it with his unusually large and misshapen claws.


AUNT CANDY & UNCLE CASEY


There is even a very special chapter devoted to being kind to your neighbors, even if they are dogs wearing headdresses.


NEIGHBORS IN HEADDRESS


Unbeknownst to me, Judy decided to throw in a couple of costume ideas. This is HER idea of cheeky. Mind you I did NOT pose for these photographs. I wouldn't be caught DEAD in a pilgrim outfit. Even though it IS a true fashion classic in black & white. Come on... an apron and A BONNET for crying out loud!? I don't think so.




But there was nothing in the guide about why this holiday is called "Thanks" giving. Glogirly says it's a time for us to reflect on the people and things in our life we are grateful for. She says though that "things" aren't supposed to be "stuff." You know, like a fast car or a 24 count case of catnip mice. Instead, "things" are like a place to call home, a healthy mind and body, enough food to never be hungry and plenty of love and friendship. This may be HER idea of "things" but I'm telling you, I've never seen any of them at Target or on Ebay. She also says that it would be really nice if I thought about what I'm thankful for. She says I have to list three things. Since when does Thanksgiving require homework?

So I guess this "Thanks" giving list thing is going to require a little out-of-the-box (not litter) thinking on my part. So here goes.

I am thankful for:

-1-
My super nice and good looking (can I say that?) blogging friends for leaving me comments of love, laughs and support.


-2-
My girl, Glogirly, for attending to my food and poop needs and loving me unconditionally.


-3-
And of course, Gloman. For not picking me up when I don't want to be picked up, for our conversations about life and love, and for choosing me and bringing me home to my girl.



HAPPY THANKSGIVING
with love, from Katie

(... stupid pilgrim costume)

Monday, November 23, 2009

I'm OK- You're OK



Hi everyone, Katie here.

I'm OK. Just wanted you to know. Many of you have expressed concern that Glogirly may retaliate after my recent delivery of her Performance Review. Not to worry. My food dish is full. A new pouch of treats appeared in the kitchen. I can get my tummy scratched whenever I want. That Glogirly, she's got thick skin alright. She also has a thick head. So I'm not sure my advice will be heeded. Only time will tell. But as long as I'm OK, she's OK. And if she's OK, Gloman's OK. And if I'm OK and Glogirly's OK and Gloman's OK, well then all is OK in the world. At least my little corner of it.




OK then.





I just want you to know that you're pretty OK too... actually, you are WAY more than OK. You are fluffing awesome! A huge thank-you for helping me decide which of my posts to submit to the National Gallery of Writing's Articulate Animal Gallery. I've been tracking the race daily. Inside The Actor's Studio and In My Next Life were really battling it out in the early stages, but it didn't take long before Next Life left Actor's Studio in the dust. I caught Glogirly pouting because Fine was secretly her favorite. With the polls now closed, I'm pleased to announce that Inside The Actor's Studio is the official fan-favorite. I'll let you know if the judges over at the national gallery thing think I'm an articulate enough cat to grace their website.

Maybe I should send them a copy of Glogirly's review. You know, just so they understand who they're dealing with. A little old fashioned intimidation can go a long way.



OK then.


Friday, November 20, 2009

My Girl's Performance Review



Hi everyone, Katie here.

Today's the day. Glogirly's performance review. It's a little delayed because I got caught up in the excitement of the big Vote! Thank you to everyone who participated in your favorite Katie post. I'll be announcing the winning post that will be submitted to the National Gallery of Writing for Articulate Animals in a few days when the polls close.

Before we get to the heart of the matter, I just want to send a special shout out to my friend Fin, over at Housecat Confidential. Just when I thought I had full command of the English language, Fin has thrown me a brand new word to add to my vernacular. It's come in quite handy with Glogirly's review. I think it's fair to say I'm fluffing obsessed with this new word. So versatile, so meaningful, so fluffing fabulous! From just plain FLUFF to the now widely popular Mother Fluffer, it's a beautiful word that can mean whatever you want it to mean. And when you use it well, there's no question what it DOES mean. Fin, you fluffing ROCK!

Glogirly says I have to put up this warning disclaimer thingy because of my new word.






Date: Today




Review of: Glogirly





Reviewed by: Katie





#1 QUANTITY OF OUTPUT
Has said human allowed me to blog daily, giving me maximum exposure world wide and making me famous?

FLUFF NO!!! She thinks that whenever we post, its got to be some fluffing production. Well for fluff's sake how about just a photo of my beautiful face? We have HUNDREDS of fluffing awesome photos of me. No excuses.
TWO PAWS DOWN





#2 QUALITY OF OUTPUT
Are you (Katie) satisfied with said human's choice of photos, words, creativity, imagination, truth, fun and general interest in your (Katie's) postings?

Are you fluffing kidding me? Let's get this straight. Who is in the photos? Me. OF COURSE they are fluffing beautiful. That's got nothing to do with Glogirly though.

The words? Fluff her. Who do you think is writing this blog anyway?

Imagination? All me. I spend ALL DAY imagining.

Truth? Would YOU trust someone who says "bye bye kitty, be back soon!" and returns DAYS later? Fluff no!

And any "general interest" in my blog has been generally generated by me, Katie. Example: How does every single blog entry start? "Hi everyone, Katie here." DUH!!!
THREE PAWS DOWN





#3 CLIENT PARTICIPATION, PART 1
Does said human provide sufficient ways for your fans to contact you and for you to contact them?

What do YOU fluffing think? My blog is called "Glogirly," the email address I'm forced to SHARE is "glogirl@yadda, yadda" she's got her fluffing picture plastered on MY profile. What the fluff! It's a wonder ANY of my adoring fans can find me. At least there is the comment section. Without that I'd have no contact with the outside world.

As for me leaving comments on my friends' blogs... well FLUFF me. I've got to make an appointment with her and her precious computer to get any quality commenting in. What the FLUFF is she doing all day anyway???
ONE PAW DOWN





#4 CLIENT PARTICIPATION, PART 2
Does said human allow you to take part in fun blog world special events, parties, contests and more?

WHAT special events, parties, contests and more? FLUFF!
TWO PAWS DOWN





#5 CLIENT SATISFACTION
Are your (Katie's) friends connected with what they see and read on your blog?

I hope so. I'm certain there are other cats out there like me, scratching their way through life, trying to maintain balance. With our endless responsibilities... napping, eating, pooping, daily hygiene, training the perfect human, guarding townhouses, watching for UPS, USPS, FED EX intruders, and of course blogging... well FLUFF ME UPSIDE DOWN, we have to be super-cats to get through just an ordinary day. So in short, I believe client satisfaction is high, but that's got NOTHING to do with Glogirly.
TWO PAWS DOWN





#6 OVERALL RATING:
Comments and Suggestions for Improvement. (In your own words)
Ok first, there ARE no words here or anywhere in my blog other than my own. Holy fluff, we've already been through this.

My comments and suggestions for Glogirly?
Well how much time do you have?
I'll close with just a few simple demands.
  1. Quit taking credit for my fluffing blog.
  2. Make yourself available to service my every blogging need.
  3. Enough already with the stupid fluffing outfits. Let's see YOU in a size small cat sweaterand a dinosaur helmet.
  4. Don't EVER put those Mother Fluffing cat ears on again.
FINAL SCORE: TEN PAWS DOWN (2 + 3 + 1 + 2 + 2 = 10)





Really Glogirly, what did you expect? A bunch of sappy dribble? A pile of sweet oh-I-love-you-so-muches? Purr this, purr that? We all know that if your review read like that, the first words out of your mouth would be:

"Ok, who are you and what have you done with my cat Katie?"





Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Your Vote Counts



Hi everyone, Katie here.

I need your help. My friend T over at I Have Cat suggested I submit one of my blog posts to The Articulate Animals Gallery of The National Gallery of Writing. She had me at Articulate.

They will only let me submit ONE post. Sheesh, that's like eating one potato chip for crying out loud. So I'm in a quandary over what to submit. That's where my adoring fans come in. That means you.

I've narrowed things down to a few of my personal faves. Well a couple are Glogirly's picks. She of course had to choose those that ranked on the cat-humiliation scale. But she's the one that keeps my food dish filled. Gotta keep her happy so I don't starve.



Here's our Top-Six-Picks. Just click on them to take a peek. Once you've decided which is your fave, cast your vote in the poll that appears on the upper right portion of the blog. If you have a different fave, you can do a write-in vote in the comment section. And if the little poll button is too small for your delicate paws, well just leave me a comment. I know this may interfere with your scheduled nap time, so don't feel bad if you can't vote.


What should I come back to earth as in my next life? A maid? A hooker? Oh, what to do, what to do.









My dish is half empty. I have a new harness and leash. They are pink.









Every cat should have a label maker. It's the perfect gadget for the overly-organized, obsessive-compulsive townhouse kitty.









Somedays I only have one thing to say. Fine. Forget my birthday. Fine.









So much to do, so much to ponder. How do I ever get it all done?









I sit down with James Lipton and respond to those ten questions everyone's dying to know the answers to.









The polls are now open. Scroll up and look right.
Make your voice heard.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Honest Scrap



Hi everyone, Katie here.


Lisa from Cat of Nine Tails has given Glogirly and me a cool award! The Honest Scrap award. Glogirly had to explain that this isn't the kind of scrap I'm used to. It's not a little piece of honest turkey or ham. When you receive the award, you're supposed to write down ten interesting things about yourself and then pass the award on to seven others. (Scroll down to see who the newest lucky seven Honest Scrappers are!) I got all excited about this until Glogirly said that these interesting things are supposed to be about HER, and not ME. She said you already know waaaaay to much about me. Whatever.


So we sat down over a glass of wine and bowl of kibble the other night. I got her all schnockered up. I wanted to go deep and give you all some really good stuff to read. I also told her that if she wasn't honest (this is the Honest Scrap award after all) I'd have to make stuff up and she may not be particularly thrilled with where my imagination takes us.


So in no particular order, here are ten interesting things about Glogirly. Oh, and she decided that the list would be more fun with pictures, so we've added in photos for each interesting thing. THAT'S why it's taken us SO LONG to post something since the sweater incident of last week.
















#1 Shy

She's extremely shy but tries very hard to act like she's not.


















#2 Favorite Color

Glogirly doesn't have a favorite color. There are so many beautiful colors, how could she ever choose?
















#3 Family

Although she's an only child, Glogirly has LOTS of family. She was adopted (like me) as a baby by the most wonderful parents. Sadly they are no longer with her, but she very recently found her birth family and has been welcomed with open arms. That's her mom and dad on the left. They are the ones that adopted her. And that's her birth mom on the right.















#4 Cupcakes & Cookies

Her mom was an amazing baker and Glogirly followed her footsteps into the kitchen. She's famous amongst friends and family for her sugar cookies and over-the-top cupcakes.

















#5 Apollo 11

Glogirly's dad was an incredibly humble and gentle man. Most people had no idea how many amazing places his career took him. He worked inside Mission Control at Nasa in Houston during the Apollo missions. He oversaw the super-computers that maintained communication contact with the astronauts. He was right there watching the big screen as Neil Armstrong took that first step. Glogirly's birthday is July 19. She actually asked her dad if the astronauts could walk on the moon a day early, on her sixth birthday. Well, they still walked on the moon on July 20, but that didn't stop her dad from making her feel special every single day.


















#6 Diabetes

Glogirly was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes last New Years Eve. Since then she has lost 85 pounds by changing the way she eats and exercises. Ok, so the major change in exercise was to go from NOT exercising TO exercising. Sadly, this all has affected #2 on the list. But she still loves baking for others. Rest assured, the Christmas sugar cookies are not in jeopardy.


















#7 College Job

Glogirly worked her way through college as a model and modeling instructor. She went to the University of Minnesota and has a B.S. in Design. And we all know what B.S. stands for.


















#8 Party Girl

She LOVES planning and throwing parties. All of her parties must have a theme and a marketing campaign. It's a non-negotiable requirement. Her favorite part is designing a clever and unexpected invitation.

















#9 Piano

Glogirly took piano lessons as a child for about six years. When she became a teenager she quit because it wasn't cool. In 2000, on a whim she went to a psychic. He told Glogirly that her mom always loved it when she played and that she should play again. Well on another whim, she went out and bought a piano. Not remembering anything beyond middle C she started taking lessons again. She's been studying piano at the MacPhail Center for Music in downtown Minneapolis for nine years now. She's no concert pianist, but her teacher and friends say that she has a very intimate and emotional connection to the music she plays. It moves them. She likes to think that's because of her mom. Don't worry, she's not some wackadoodle psychic network fan.

















#10 Gloman

Glogirly has the most wonderful best-friend-partner-husband she could ever imagine. They met by chance and that day changed her life forever. She still pauses and says to herself, "wow...I'm the luckiest girl on earth."







And now...


the 7 LUCKY winners

of the latest Honest Scrap

Awards...



Their mission, should they choose to accept it, is to post this award on their blog and list ten interesting things about themselves or their humans. Photo representations are optional, but encouraged. Don't you think it's more fun? Then, pass the award on to 3-7 others.


If you've already received this award, please accept my apologies. I've only been at this blogging thing for a short time. And I'm a cat. So just cut me some slack already.





In no particular order -


1. Deb, from I Love Nachos Too Much


2. T, from I Have Cat


3. Fin, from Housecat Confidential


4. Shaggy, Scooby & Scout, from Little Cat Feet


5. Debra & Abby, from Manx Mews


6. Furkidsmom, from Friends FurEver


7. Busby & Raymond, from Raymond & Busby: Cats by the Sea