Friday, November 20, 2009

My Girl's Performance Review



Hi everyone, Katie here.

Today's the day. Glogirly's performance review. It's a little delayed because I got caught up in the excitement of the big Vote! Thank you to everyone who participated in your favorite Katie post. I'll be announcing the winning post that will be submitted to the National Gallery of Writing for Articulate Animals in a few days when the polls close.

Before we get to the heart of the matter, I just want to send a special shout out to my friend Fin, over at Housecat Confidential. Just when I thought I had full command of the English language, Fin has thrown me a brand new word to add to my vernacular. It's come in quite handy with Glogirly's review. I think it's fair to say I'm fluffing obsessed with this new word. So versatile, so meaningful, so fluffing fabulous! From just plain FLUFF to the now widely popular Mother Fluffer, it's a beautiful word that can mean whatever you want it to mean. And when you use it well, there's no question what it DOES mean. Fin, you fluffing ROCK!

Glogirly says I have to put up this warning disclaimer thingy because of my new word.






Date: Today




Review of: Glogirly





Reviewed by: Katie





#1 QUANTITY OF OUTPUT
Has said human allowed me to blog daily, giving me maximum exposure world wide and making me famous?

FLUFF NO!!! She thinks that whenever we post, its got to be some fluffing production. Well for fluff's sake how about just a photo of my beautiful face? We have HUNDREDS of fluffing awesome photos of me. No excuses.
TWO PAWS DOWN





#2 QUALITY OF OUTPUT
Are you (Katie) satisfied with said human's choice of photos, words, creativity, imagination, truth, fun and general interest in your (Katie's) postings?

Are you fluffing kidding me? Let's get this straight. Who is in the photos? Me. OF COURSE they are fluffing beautiful. That's got nothing to do with Glogirly though.

The words? Fluff her. Who do you think is writing this blog anyway?

Imagination? All me. I spend ALL DAY imagining.

Truth? Would YOU trust someone who says "bye bye kitty, be back soon!" and returns DAYS later? Fluff no!

And any "general interest" in my blog has been generally generated by me, Katie. Example: How does every single blog entry start? "Hi everyone, Katie here." DUH!!!
THREE PAWS DOWN





#3 CLIENT PARTICIPATION, PART 1
Does said human provide sufficient ways for your fans to contact you and for you to contact them?

What do YOU fluffing think? My blog is called "Glogirly," the email address I'm forced to SHARE is "glogirl@yadda, yadda" she's got her fluffing picture plastered on MY profile. What the fluff! It's a wonder ANY of my adoring fans can find me. At least there is the comment section. Without that I'd have no contact with the outside world.

As for me leaving comments on my friends' blogs... well FLUFF me. I've got to make an appointment with her and her precious computer to get any quality commenting in. What the FLUFF is she doing all day anyway???
ONE PAW DOWN





#4 CLIENT PARTICIPATION, PART 2
Does said human allow you to take part in fun blog world special events, parties, contests and more?

WHAT special events, parties, contests and more? FLUFF!
TWO PAWS DOWN





#5 CLIENT SATISFACTION
Are your (Katie's) friends connected with what they see and read on your blog?

I hope so. I'm certain there are other cats out there like me, scratching their way through life, trying to maintain balance. With our endless responsibilities... napping, eating, pooping, daily hygiene, training the perfect human, guarding townhouses, watching for UPS, USPS, FED EX intruders, and of course blogging... well FLUFF ME UPSIDE DOWN, we have to be super-cats to get through just an ordinary day. So in short, I believe client satisfaction is high, but that's got NOTHING to do with Glogirly.
TWO PAWS DOWN





#6 OVERALL RATING:
Comments and Suggestions for Improvement. (In your own words)
Ok first, there ARE no words here or anywhere in my blog other than my own. Holy fluff, we've already been through this.

My comments and suggestions for Glogirly?
Well how much time do you have?
I'll close with just a few simple demands.
  1. Quit taking credit for my fluffing blog.
  2. Make yourself available to service my every blogging need.
  3. Enough already with the stupid fluffing outfits. Let's see YOU in a size small cat sweaterand a dinosaur helmet.
  4. Don't EVER put those Mother Fluffing cat ears on again.
FINAL SCORE: TEN PAWS DOWN (2 + 3 + 1 + 2 + 2 = 10)





Really Glogirly, what did you expect? A bunch of sappy dribble? A pile of sweet oh-I-love-you-so-muches? Purr this, purr that? We all know that if your review read like that, the first words out of your mouth would be:

"Ok, who are you and what have you done with my cat Katie?"





30 comments:

  1. You get her Katie! More katie posts purrlease! By the way that had me laughing upside and inside out...fluff...hahah

    ReplyDelete
  2. That was the first fluffing HONEST review we have read. Thank you Katie for having the fluffing huevos to tell it like it really is.

    And we agree, if Glogirly puts those fluffing cat ears on again, or puts you in some horrible fluffing sweater the reprisal should be swift and furious.

    Your compatriots in disdain for our slacker humans, Busby and Raymond

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  3. Well, I'll be fluffed!! And I thought I was being hard on our Mom giving her a C-!

    Fantastic review, Katie...fluffing, fantastic.

    George

    ReplyDelete
  4. Glogirly is in fluffing trouble, big time! You told it like it is, Katie....Glogirly better get her fluffing act together...

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  5. Well, guess your girl knows where she stands with you!

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  6. Glogirly is probably pretty upset right now. We know she'll work hard at improving her score for next year.

    Sniffie and the Florida Furkids

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  7. Well, that was fluffin' pawsome!

    And to think I was thinking I was going to be sappy and nice to my mom on her review. We'll be sharpening our fluffin' pencils and claws this weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mother fluffer! We love it.
    Now Katie remember GloGirl loves you, but you do have some very good points to pawder...GloGirl simply has a lot of room to improve before the next Performance Review!

    purrs
    Abby

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  9. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. How you put up with her is a mystery to us. We just thank our lucky fluff we have our photoguy so well trained (although there is still a lot of room for improvement).

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  10. Boy, you are really tough, I hope you got your snack treats before you presented it!

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  11. Hi Katie,

    Glorgirly is so in trouble. I mean everyone in the blogosphere has read this and knows how worthless she is to you (well, except maybe for the yummy teeth food, but worthless with your blog). I think you've set the new standard!

    Purrs, Lucy

    p.s. I probably won't post until Sunday. Mama has been super busy. Have a great weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Boy I am the wrong one to help you get your post volume up and better work out of Glory Girl. My mom is shaking in her boots, she doesn't really have boots on just a saying, because her review will be coming up next. And from my last post you probably noticed that I wasn't happy either. What are we to do? You would have thought knowing the review is near that they would have at least been productive for a little bit. Oh well.

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  13. Katie, all we can say is you're too fluffing pawsome! Loved reading your fluffing purrfurmance review! MOL!

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  14. Katie, I think you are being a little too tough on your staff. It had to be said. Really, you don't have opposable thumb now do you? where would you be without here assistance eh?

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  15. That was a totally fluffin' performance review. Hope it didn't backfire on you, and Glogirly isn't withholding your tasty treats.

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  16. See, our human knows this is coming up, and she's been plying us with tuna all week...

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  17. You were really tough on Glogirly, Katie. I hope that she will take your suggestions to heart.

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  18. Poor glogirly. Katie you are a tough reviewer, and we think your mom might be sad. We think she does a FABULOUS job.

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  19. Whew! That was honest! I take it you don't want Christmas presents!

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  20. Hello Katie

    Purrs and love from Mounette

    Have a great week-end

    ReplyDelete
  21. What the fluff! I guess that there is a little room for improvement!
    HaHaHaHaHa

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hahaha! This is our first visit to you and we haven't stopped fluffing laughing yet! We haven't done our Bean's review yet, but after reading all the nice ones, we thought we were maybe going to be too hard on her. Boy were we wrong! Mum's got no worries now that her review will be the worst.

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  23. Holy cat you were tough Katie! But fair, I think.

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  24. Katie...Now that you have her fluffing attention, get her on a performance improvement plan FLUFFO! (that's Fluff talk for PRONTO!)

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  25. MOL So, Katie, you're saying that you don't fluffin' think that Glogirly has anything good to do with your blog? Maybe she should do a purrfurmance review on you... ;)

    Purrs and hugs,
    The Kitty Krew

    ReplyDelete
  26. Unfluffing believable review Katie! If this catch phrase doesn't catch on after this Mother Fluffer of a post, well we will just have to keep it up.

    GG is probably hiding her cat-ear wearing head after this review!

    Fan-Fluffing-Tastic!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Katie, you are a very interesting girl! I will be back to read your blog from start to finish!

    your new fan,
    The Secretary

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  28. You are fantastic :-)
    This review is amazing !!!
    hugs
    Kareltje =^.^=

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  29. Poor GloGirly. Her head must be hung low with shame. But let us tell ya something! This was THE funniest reviews EFFUR!!! You totally rawk Katie!

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  30. You was PURRty tough and rough on you's momma! WOWZA!

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