Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Rabbits And Squirrels And Birds Oh My

Hi everyone, Katie here.

I know I'm supposed to like rabbits and squirrels and birds. But between you and me, I'm kind of a chicken. Or, dare I say,
a scardey cat. The truth is, I wouldn't know what to do with a rabbit or a squirrel or a bird if one crossed my path. So I'm just going to avoid crossing theirs.

Oh my.
Hurry Up!!

Need I say more?

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Deep Thoughts

Hi everyone, Katie here.

I've been extremely busy today. Thinking. There's just so much to ponder each and every day. I frankly don't know how I find the time.

Do I have my gingivitis food for breakfast? Or perhaps for lunch?
Shall I save some for a midnight snack? Midnight is an awfully long time away.

Which window should I stand guard at so the birds, squirrels and rabbits stay at bay. The front deck window? The back deck window? Or perhaps the downstairs door? What should I do if the rabbit, for example, attempts a forcible entry? The townhouse windows are so clean, the birds have made that mistake more than once.

On which soft bed should I take my daily nap? And how long should I nap for? Do I need an alarm? What kind of alarm? How will I know how to set the alarm? What if it doesn't go off? Can I ever nap not knowing if I know how to correctly set the alarm? Should I do a test and set it for two minutes from now just to make sure it works?
Wait, I'm a cat and I don't know how to tell time.

I am so screwed.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Fishy Friday

Hi everyone, Katie here.

I've never really understood the whole relationship between Fridays and Fishes. Am I not allowed to play with my fish on say, Wednesdays? Or Mondays? Why only Fridays?

And what about my frog? Is he considered a fish? Or just a distant relative?

What about red dog and black cat? Where do they fit in to this whole scenario? I've talked about rules before and how crazy they make me. Well just so you know, no one's going to enforce any sort of toy rule on me any day of the week. If I feel like playing with my fish but it's not Friday, I'm just gonna play with my fish anyway. My toys are my toys, so mitt's off and keep your crazy rules to yourself.

Get your own Friday fish.
There, I said it.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Precious And Few

Hi everyone, Katie here.

Fall piano lessons start this week for Glogirly. Finally. I've had to put up with her sappy 70's love songs for way too long. I can take only so much of that crap that Tony Orlando peddles on his infomercial for Time Life.

It's high time she started playing some real music again.

I have a very stressful life, you know. Lot's of responsibilities. There's much to keep tabs on in this townhouse. I need to supervise the making of the coffee every morning, sometimes as early as 5:00 am. I need to be on UPS alert prior to 10:30 am. Then there's the mailman, so I'm on USPS alert prior to 11:30 am. With Glogirly coming and going, the front door opening and closing, countless neighbors and dogs and rabbits and squirrels walking by my windows, I've got my hands full.

Precious and few are the moments I can take a nap.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Police Cat

Hi everyone, Katie here.

The president was here the other day. Just a few steps away from the Townhouse. Security was tight. Even the police horses were out. Check out their nifty riot gear.

I'm thinking that there should be a cat security detail. I'd look great in those beer-bottle proof eye shields. I'm liking the leather nose protectors as well. I may need a helmet though, or at least a nice hat, for my delicate head. I'm sure I could come up with something quite handsome.

Horses are pretty stupid compared to cats. Well, for that matter so is every other animal. I could run circles around these guys. All they can do is whine and neigh. But as you know, I've got a mean hiss and I'm not afraid to use it. I have no doubt I'd be able to restore order if the need ever arose.

I'd be very good at keeping an eye on all those people with signs too. I'm quite artistic and can even offer some font and layout suggestions. Kudos to the pink pig sign with the bouncing head. Very creative. Excellent use of color and metaphor.

Love the sharp blue sign with the flags. Nice contemporary font, very readable. All in all professional. But unless this guy puts it on a really big stick, no one's ever going to see it.

So I think I'll submit my credentials to the Minneapolis Police Department. Maybe I'll include an audio sample of my ferocious hiss. That oughta do it.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Muti & Sparky

Hi everyone, Katie here.

Well if this just isn't the week of anniversaries and birthdays, I don't know what it is. Today is Muti & Sparky's wedding anniversary.
Muti & Sparky, also known as Sonja & Big Bob, are Glogirly's bestest girlfriend's parents. Glogirly says they are her surrogate mom and dad. She's known them for 34 years. Sheesh, that's 238 in cat years. And she still likes them. Impressive.

Muti & Sparky are two of Glogirly & Gloman's favoritest people. Muti is an amazing singer, composer and pianist. She has a library of over 10,000 songs stored right inside her head. Sparky is her biggest fan. He's much, much taller than me... over six feet taller to be exact, and he's got a strong, deep voice that would scare most cats, but he's a huge sweetheart. He's super smart and has a library over 10,000 really hard words in his vocabulary.

Muti & Sparky have poodles. Two of them. One is small enough for even me to tackle and the other could probably take me down with one paw tied behind her back. Poodles are much louder than cats and they are not smart enough to take care of their bathroom needs inside the house. But I try not to hold that against them.

One of Glogirly's favorite memories is of a certain game of Taboo that she played with Muti, Sparky and their daughter Joanna, (Glogirly's bestest girlfriend.) It was right around this time of year up at Gull Lake in northern Minnesota. Glogirly had brought the game with her and the four of them decided to play. Taboo is played with two or more sets of partners. These sets of partners make up teams. Each team takes turns designating one player as the clue giver and one player and the word guesser. The clue giver tries to get the guesser to say a particular word. They give them lots of clues and hints as quickly as possible, trying to get them to say the correct word before the time runs out. The hard part is that certain words are off limits and cannot be used as clues. They are, of course, Taboo.

The competition was fierce. It was the young best friends versus the slightly older married couple. Joanna and Glogirly were laughing their you-know-what's off because they were kicking Muti and Sparky's you-know-what's. Joanna and Glogirly had an almost private shorthand way of communicating with each other that allowed them to guess each other's words instantly with only the most minimal and obscure of clues. For example, if the word to guess was "sweater," all either of them would have to say to the other as a clue would be "tones of blue." They didn't have to worry about the Taboo words they couldn't say, like cardigan, pullover, knitted or clothing. Just "tones of blue" and in less than one second the other would yell "sweater!" You see when they were in 7th grade they had matching sweaters from the Sears catalog. The sweaters had horizontal blue stripes ranging from light to dark, a gradation of blue tones. They called them their "Tones of Blue Sweaters."

The winning point that brought everyone to their knees went something like this. Sparky needed to get Muti to say "Candy Cane." He couldn't say the obvious words like Christmas, Candy, Santa Claus, even December because they were all Taboo. So he thought long and hard, wasting precious time, and finally in his careful and deliberate tone he slowly spoke, "A sweet confection consumed during the winter solstice." Muti was dumbfounded. Glogirly and Joanna nearly wet themselves they were laughing so hard.

And that's how it is with Muti & Sparky. Laughter, good times and lots of love. Sweet.

Happy Anniversary, Muti & Sparky.
For a couple of dog-people you are all right.

Thursday, September 10, 2009



Hi everyone, Katie here.

Fine. That's my word for the day. Fine. In fact, let's make it my word for the month. Fine. So as you know, Monday was my birthday. And it was also Glogirly & Gloman's anniversary. Do you think either of them would have the common decency to acknowledge or even remember my birthday? Fine. I give and give and give and what do I get in return? Fine.

Every anniversary, every Christmas, every single holiday, I make the effort to give each of them a card. And do you think they ever bother to reciprocate? Fine. It's not easy picking out a card when you're a cat. And that's nothing compared to the pain and suffering of writing in the card. Longhand no less. I guess my unending love and thoughtfulness that knows no bounds has once again gone unnoticed. Fine.

Just look at the beautiful card I gave Glogirly for her anniversary. It's got a pretty pink chair on it, a plush pink pillow WITH tassels and what I consider to be an absolutely exquisite cat. That's me you know. Fine. On the inside in red magic marker I wrote a heartfelt greeting, in my own words mind you, not copied from some cheesy book of poetry dribble.

Granted my penmanship is less than perfect, but it's the thought and effort that counts. The following is presented for your review. It is a transcript of the above mentioned card greeting.

No one ever rembers my birthday, yet how many cards have I (underlined twice) had to scratch something out in? Well...have a happy anniversary anyway. For your present I'll just keep pretending (to be friendly.)
Love Katie ...and thanks 4 MY (underlined twice) special dinner 2nite.

The two of them dined lavishly on lobster with drawn butter, beef tenderloin with herbed mushrooms, asparagus tips with hollandaise, a lovely caprese salad and champagne.

Yes, champagne. Fine. I'll just have my gingivitis food, thank you. Oh no, no, don't go to any bother and prepare something special for MY birthday. I'm just fine. Fine.

After they finished listening to their sappy romantic love songs from the 70's...the kind of crap that Tony Orlando peddles for Time Life on some stupid infomercial, I thought the evening was finally over.

That's when the pie came out. Strawberry rhubarb. With whip cream. And a dusting of cinnamon. Thanks a lot, I'll just have a drink of stale water from my pathetic dish.


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Happy Birthday To Me

Hi everyone, Katie here.

Happy birthday to ME, happy birthday to ME, happy birthday dear Katie, happy birthday to ME.

Today is my special day. I'm sure that Glogirly will be showering me with cards and gifts. I can't wait to check the mail for greetings from my friends and followers. I expect I may even get a few kind words from the other one, Gloman. After all, it was just four years ago today that Gloman brought me home to the townhouse and gave me to Glogirly. I guess it was a pretty big deal. Not just because I'm such a smart and good looking cat, but because it was Gloman and Glogirly's wedding anniversary and I was the gift. I've always thought it curious that someone as anti-cat as Gloman, a true dog-person really, would adopt me and give me to his girl.

He must REALLY love her.

Glogirly really loves Gloman too. Somedays I actually think she loves him as much as me. She's told me the story of how they met probably a hundred times. I don't know how much that is really. I'm a cat and I can't count. But trust me, it's alot.

Glogirly met Gloman by accident one beautiful September day twelve years ago. She was moving and needed a bed. Apparently the house she was moving out of was teeny tiny and when she originally moved in, her bed had to be hoisted up onto the roof and pushed through the upstairs bedroom window. She's not very patient so when it came time to move out, she decided it was easiest to leave the bed behind. She had a friend named Nettie who knew of her bed plight and offered up an extra bed Nettie was storing in her garage. Glogirly happily accepted. All she had to do was stop by the duplex that Nettie shared with her husband and housemate and pick up the bed. Nettie told her that the housemate would be home to let her into the garage where the bed was waiting. So when moving day came, Glogirly arrived at the duplex with the two-men-and-a-truck she had hired to help. She climbed the steps up to the door marked 3440 and rang the bell. When the door opened she saw Gloman for the very first time. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, the birds were singing and Glogirly was looking deep into Gloman's eyes. She said something boring like "I'm here for the bed..." All she could think of was how cute and charming this Gloman person was. And his voice...his voice made her melt, her knees were week. She had to pull herself together just to make it back to the garage.

Once they were back at the garage she made small talk, attempting to be clever and funny about the bed and anything else she could think of. Deep down she was terribly sad though. You see, Glogirly knew that she would be moving yet again later that month. But this time she wasn't just moving across town. This time she'd be moving to Detroit, Michigan. And Detroit was a long, long, long way from Minneapolis. She had accepted a job there and was planning on starting a new life in the motor city. Glogirly's dad had even sold his townhouse so he could move with her.

Gloman sensed her mixed emotions that day, even though he didn't know anything about Glogirly. He didn't know her favorite color. He didn't know she liked movies or popcorn or strawberry rhubarb pie. And he sure didn't know she was going to move all the way to Michigan. Gloman thought Glogirly needed a hug and so that's just what he did. Glogirly said goodbye and left with the two-men-and-a-truck and the bed. When she saw Nettie the next day Glogirly told her that she was sad. The bed was perfectly fine, but she was sad to have met someone so cute and charming and friendly right before she would have to leave town. Nettie told Glogirly that was crazy...that she was bound to come back on business for meetings and projects and wouldn't it be nice to have a friend to go to dinner with. She told her to pick up the phone and call him. Glogirly knew Nettie was right. But she was too shy to call him on the phone. So instead she wrote him a card. In the card she wrote about how much she loved meeting him. She explained that she was moving away. She also said how much she would like to have a friend to come back to. Someone to have dinner with or go to the movies with. She mailed the card that same day. Then she waited.

Now the next part of the story is from Gloman's perspective. You see, he received the card a couple of days later. After he opened it up and read it, he thought about it and decided that he didn't want to appear overly eager or desperate so he waited before he called her. He waited a good ten minutes or so. Glogirly's heart skipped a bunch of beats when she heard Gloman's voice on the other end of the phone. They met for dinner, and then another dinner and another. It wasn't long before Glogirly was head over heals in love. She said the hardest thing she ever did was leave. When they said goodbye and Glogirly drove off to Detroit, she cried the whole way there, she cried for 11 hours straight. And I know she cried herself to sleep many nights after that.

Just as Nettie suspected, Glogirly got to come home for meetings and projects. In fact she came home almost once a month. Every time she did, she and Gloman would see each other and do fun things together. They went up to the North Shore of Lake Superior, they stood at the edge of the ocean at Big Sur, they stayed at cute and sometimes corny bed and breakfasts, they went to restaurants and movies and ate popcorn and laughed. They learned about each other's favorite things. And they learned what was important to each other.

Despite the distance, their love grew stronger and stronger.

Two years later, Glogirly found out that she would be moving back to Minneapolis for another new job. More importantly she would be moving home to where she'd left her heart. Where she'd left Gloman. Gloman came out to Detroit to help her pack. When the movers had packed all her stuff into the big truck, Gloman and Glogirly drove back home together in her Jeep. As they were leaving town, he looked over to her, held her hand, and said "happiness is Detroit in your rear view mirror."

Glogirly couldn't have been happier. Even though she would have run off and married Gloman on the spot, she knew that they needed more time. They needed to get to know each other all over again now that they would finally be living in the same zip code. She knew how special Gloman was to her and how she needed to be more patient than she had ever been. She knew she wanted to spend her life with Gloman and she wasn't going to do anything to mess that up.

So Glogirly and Gloman spent the next two and a half years doing what everyone who is in love should do. They ate pancakes on Sunday mornings, they went to the movies. They snuck away for long weekends at the lake, they went for bike rides along the river. They surprised each other with cards and notes and cute socks wrapped up with bows. They went to Target, the grocery store, the computer store. They even played foosball at the sporting goods store. They watched reruns of Seinfeld on TV and laughed at all the same lines. They celebrated birthdays, Christmas's and Thanksgivings. They helped each other and comforted each other when life was hard. They realized that although they didn't need to be with each other, they wanted to be with each other. So one Sunday Glogirly drove to the duplex to pick up Gloman for pancakes. She parked on the street in front of the duplex and walked up the steps to ring the bell. Just as she did, the door opened and there was Gloman. That's when he asked her to marry him. He asked her in the very place they had first met, years before. Glogirly threw her arms around him and said yes, of course. She was so excited she could hardly eat her pancakes that morning.

Just a few months later they were married on the banks of the Mississippi River with all of their friends and family cheering them on. Their wedding was seven years ago today. They had a big party at the townhouse we now all live in. It was scorching hot and 100 degrees. But the sky was blue, the sun was shining and the birds were singing. It was as perfect a day as the day they met.

Glogirly can't imagine life without her Gloman. He's her best friend, her companion in life (in addition to me of course) and he is her inspiration. She loves seeing and experiencing the world with him. Glogirly says she is a better person because of Gloman.

Gloman also likes to tell the story of how they met. When he tells it he adds just one thing though. You see, when he opened the duplex door on that September day twelve years ago and saw Glogirly, he had a very hard time finding his words. He claims to have stumbled over them, barely able to pronounce his own name. Later that same day, when Nettie came home and asked him how everything went with Debbie. Did she get the bed okay? What did you think of her? He simply replied, "Well, I'm going to marry her."

Happy Anniversary Gloman & Glogirly.
And Happy Birthday to me.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Free At Last

Hi everyone, Katie here.

Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, I'm free at last. Glogirly told me that Martin Luther King Jr. once spoke those words. Well, great minds think alike because I'm telling you, the houseguests are gone and thank God almighty, I'm free last!

Glogirly took off yesterday morning in the big car with the last house guest and her giant suitcase. I stood by the door to watch them drive away. Had to make sure they were really gone. Next thing I knew, Glogirly returned. And here's where it gets good. She returned ALONE! It was a beautiful thing. I mewed and purrred and mewed and twirled and mewed and rolled over onto my back, looking all cute for her. I danced in celebration. My life had finally returned to normal. The townhouse and my girl were mine, all mine.

The day couldn't possibly get any better. So I thought. A couple of hours later the doorbell rang (usually a bad sign) and a man in a purple and lime green truck delivered flowers!

I just knew they must be for me. Turns out they were! Remember my New England cat cousins? Well their humans sent flowers because they knew that the last house guest was leaving today. Glogirly said they sent them because they knew it would be hard for her to say goodbye to her California aunt. They knew she'd be missing her. Well if that isn't crazy I don't know what is. It's perfectly clear these flowers were intended for me and were sent to celebrate the intruder's departure and my triumphant reclaiming of the townhouse.

Glogirly can think whatever she wants, but I'm a very smart cat and I can read between the lines. I can't read the actual lines, but I can read between...oh whatever.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Counting The Days

Hi everyone, Katie here.

I'm counting the days and the pills until Glogirly's California Aunt, a.k.a. the intruder, leaves the townhouse. Sheesh, she's been here for over two weeks. Enough already. Today, my only safe haven has been Glogirly's bed. And Glogirly's Vicodin. Oh don't worry, I'd never actually swallow one. I can't figure out the cat-proof cap on the bottle. For now I'm just counting the days and hours until I am free at last. Free to roam the townhouse with no worry of company. Free to eat my gingivitis food without onlookers. Free to poop in peace.

Today did offer a silver lining though. Gloman is out of town. This means I've got dibbs on bed real estate when it comes to sleeping and napping. I'll be sure to leave him a nice coating of cat hair on his pillow.