Monday, October 10, 2016

Katie & Waffles First Residential Cat Debate

MODERATOR: Welcome to the 2016 Residential Cat Debate. We're live here at the Townhouse for one of the most highly anticipated events of the residential election season. In an intimate town hall format, Katie and Waffles will be taking the gloves off to go pawno-a-pawno on the issues most important to...
well, most important to them. 

Let's get ready for some fireworks and welcome cats, Katie and Waffles.

WAFFLES: Ding, ding, ding!


WAFFLES: Don't I just have to ring the bell to win?

KATIE: That's not how this works, Waffles. We're supposed to have a substantive discussion on important issues. This is not about ringing each other's bells.

WAFFLES:  That's not what I heard. I was told there would be bells.

Round 1: Breakfast
MODERATOR: The media has reported allegations of repeated Crimes Against Breakfast at the Townhouse. Our first question comes from Fleas Witherspoon on Facebook. Fleas posted, "Who is the bigger food thief, Katie or Waffles?" 

Katie, who won the catnip mouse toss, will be the first to respond.

KATIE:  Food thief? The answer is clear. Every single day, I'm forced to eat my breakfast behind closed doors so that my opponent keeps his sticky paws to himself.

WAFFLES:  Sticky paws? I don't have sticky– 

MODERATOR:  Waffles, please allow Katie to answer. You'll have a chance to respond after her 2 minutes.

WAFFLES:  2 minutes??? That's like forever. I can eat BOTH our breakfasts in less than 45 seconds.

KATIE:  Enough said.

Round 2: Litter Box Etiquette 
MODERATOR: Waffles, we'll start with you on the next question. Luke Skywhisker tweets, "Do you share litter boxes?"

WAFFLES:  Hey Boss, I can't remember. Which box is yours again? 

KATIE:  The one you're always using. 

WAFFLES:  For #1 or #2? 

KATIE:  What does it matter, Waffles? You're using my box for at least 1/2 of your business. 

WAFFLES:  I'm just spreading the love, Boss. 

KATIE:  You're spreading something, alright. 

MODERATOR:  Waffles, Katie, we're getting a little off track and need to move on. 

KATIE:  Where are you going, Waffles?

WAFFLES:  The moderator guy said we have to move on. I'm moving on.

KATIE:  He meant moving on to the next question, not the next room. 

Round 3: Toys 
MODERATOR: Our last question comes via email from Ali McClaw. Ali writes, "Catnip mouse or red dot?" 

Katie, what is your response?

KATIE:  Definitely catnip mouse. Red dots are nothing but tiny red flashlights pretending to be toys. You can't catch them, you can't chew them, you can't bunny kick them. Their batteries run out and then what do you have? Despite what my opponent thinks, they're not even real toys.

WAFFLES:  The red dot isn't real???

Your Turn! 
From all of us at the Townhouse, we want to thank you for joining us today as Katie and Waffles debate the issues and respond to the tough questions. 

Now it's time to turn the questions over to you. 

1) Who do YOU think won today's debate?

2) What would you like to ask Katie and Waffles at the next Residential Cat Debate?


  1. Poor Katie ... Waffles is handsome as all get out ... but a little err ... slow. Except when it comes to eating breakfast of course :)

  2. Katie won, but Waffles was hilarious. Oh, and I went to see the Acrocats with two of my daughters in Chicago today. The show was great!

  3. My human liked this debate a lot more than the one she watched earlier.

  4. We think Katie won, although Waffles is a riot!

  5. Katie, of course! She is one smart ladycat. And she has a great deal more experience than Waff.

  6. More proof that cats rule... or should rule.
    The human debate never left the litter box!

  7. gotta give this one to Katie for sticking to the facts :)

  8. Katie is the winner in my book. Waffles is adorable to look at, but he's a little dense upstairs (if you know what I mean!). Katie has smarts and knows how to use her smarts!!!!

  9. I think it's more that Waffles lost rather than Katie won. He incriminated himself on the food, did not deny Katie's litterbox allegations, and showed little understanding of the toy issues. But if Katie offered him a position in the Cabinet, I'm sure Waffles would take it. Or on top of the Cabinet.

  10. I think the debate goes to Katie. But was I ever in doubt? The Woman, however, still votes Waffles for being so cute.

  11. OMC, Katie, you are clearly the winner of today's debate. We're sure Waffles will study up for the next one and blow us all out of the water. Or maybe not. Our pressing questions would be nap spots, viewing platforms, and *shivers* sharing toys. Doesn't that last one violate some kind of international treaty?

  12. Katie won the debate on the facts...but Waffles was adorable! He has such an expressive face, which makes up for his clueless-ness. (Sorry, Katie!) This debate was far and away BETTER than the one we all watched on TV last night.

  13. Mum skipped the human debate, watched feetsball instead. Packers come first around here.

    Katie for President!

  14. I call it a draw. Both cats have looks and talent and, unlike the real candidates, might make an awesome job of running their country! Weekly cay nip mice delivered to the door of every cat. Cat food supermarkets subsidised for pooer cats and worldwide kitty friendship!

  15. Hard to say who won the debate today ! We would love to hear you about international friendship and relationships ! Purrs

  16. What is your stance on dust bunnies? Bathrooms? should they be locked at all times, or should cat doors be installed in them for free access at will?

  17. In my considered opinion Katie won for her understanding of the questions and the issues. But ... Waffles has nothing to worry about ... With his good looks and great looking fur he's a sure bet for vice prez.

  18. Now this is a debate we loved to see! Waffles did much better than that orange human.

  19. This was a great debate! I didn't feel nearly as riled up after this one as I have after some other ones =)
    Kate kept her composure well. Waffles, you look a little stricken after the whole red dot debacle. It is going to be O.K. =)

  20. Katie won this debate. For the next, my cat Sam wants to know what the best flavor of wet food is: chicken or beef.

  21. I would give this to Katie, but history has shown that the taller candidate generally wins and I believe Waffles is a Longcat? There is also the theory that the better hair wins. Now Katie has beautiful makings, but Waffles is full of orangie goodness, so.. tie. Most southern is also an indicator, so.. who sleeps up high and who sleeps down low?

  22. Katie won, paws down. Waffles acted like another bully, running around and stalking Katie but she kept her cool. I'll bet he was even sniffling. I'd like to bring up those old magazine scandals Waffles was involved in and hear what he has to say for himself.


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