Friday, July 31, 2009

A Postcard From GOOML



Hi Katie, Glogirly here.

I'm sorry it's been so long since my last postcard. It's been hard to find a good internet connection while road-tripping across the country.

GOOML's got more bugs in her teeth than you may ever see in your cat lifetime. Some were still moving when I took her photo.


I miss you and think of you everyday. Please, please, please be nice to the cat sitter. It's just for a few more days.

Love,
Glogirly

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Postcard From The Edge



Hi Katie, Glogirly here.

I know you're probably getting tired of me reminding you to be nice to the cat sitter. But you should know that Gloman has found a new house that he thinks would be perfect for you and he's threatening to send you away if he learns of another hissing and swatting incident with the cat sitter. So please, please, please watch your step, proceed with caution. If you can't exchange civil pleasantries, just resort to plan B. Hide. She'll only be in the townhouse a few minutes for feeding and scooping.



You know Gloman, he'll make this new property sound very enticing. He'll try to sell you on the solitude and quiet. He'll talk of mice and birds a-plenty. But Katie, you are a far too civilized cat to live in such a shanty. And you wouldn't know what to do with a mouse if he invited you over for dinner.

So be good, enjoy your gingivitis food and hiss only when no one is listening.

Love,
Glogirly


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Greetings From Your Girl



Hi Katie, Glogirly here.

I hope you are enjoying your peace and quiet while Gloman and I are on vacation. I miss you and think about you everyday. We are having a great time hanging out with our friends and family.


Here are two of your Canadian cousins and biggest blog fans, Sherri and Sharon. They came in a cute little Mini Cooper...I know you really like those cars. Admittedly they are dog people. And we all know how you feel about dog people. They told me their dog would like to have a blog of his own, but he's not as good of a writer as you. I know, I know... cats are much smarter than dogs.



Here are two more of your Canadian cousins, Aaron and Karen. I know, they rhyme. Karen is Aaron's mom so the rhyming thing is probably her doing. I don't think she was too happy when Aaron told her he got a motorcycle, but he took her for a ride to show her what an excellent and careful driver he is. He even got her a pink helmet. To my knowledge, they don't make helmets for cats so you won't be going for a ride anytime soon.


Gloman has been taking lots of photos. He says 'hi' and 'stay off my side of the bed.'

Katie, I hope you are being nice to the cat sitter. You really shouldn't call her the Smelly Stranger...that's not very nice. She's a good friend and thinks you're cute and sweet, despite the hissing and swatting episode. So be nice, don't eat too much and enjoy dancing naked.

Love,
Glogirly

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Alone Again, Naturally



Hi everyone, Katie here.

I've been abandoned. Glogirly and Gloman have gone galavanting off on some grand vacation. She says that where they are going there are no cell phone towers, no internet connections, no blogging and NO CATS. That hurts. Why on earth would anyone want to leave the comforts of home, not to mention their beloved cat, for some third world cabin on a lake. I don't like water. I don't like lakes. I hope she has to poop in a box.

So my friends, it's just me and my cat sitter. I got in huge-o trouble last time for hissing and swatting at the cat sitter. I really don't need a cat sitter. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Glogirly insists though. So now I've got some smelly stranger coming and going, messing around with my food and my litter box. She better watch out, that's all I can say. I can tell she's got her own cat. I hear his name is Hakeem. What kind of crazy name is that. I also hear he's pretty big. So to be safe, I should watch myself. Last thing I need is for the cat sitter to show up with this beast.


Glogirly should be back in two weeks to help me blog again. In the meantime, I'm going to party every night and dance around the house naked.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Outdoor Eye Candy



Hi everyone, Katie here.

Rules, rules, rules. Humans love to rule the world. As a cat, I'm forced to follow MY human's rules. And believe me, Glogirly's got a list of them a mile long. Rules are always about what I can't do. Not what I can do. I hate that. At the top of the list, right next to the
Not Hissing Ever Rule, is the Never Outside Rule. It's simply not fair. Glogirly goes outside all the time. I just get the "bye-bye kitty, love you" "be right back" routine. Just once I'd like to open up the front door, walk out and throw that bye-bye crap right back at her.



So I'm forced to see the world through marginally clean glass windows. Now don't tell Glogirly, but between you and me, there are actually a few benefits to this. A warm spot in the sun with a view of passerby birds. A rabbit oblivious to my stares. You see, I'm a voyeur. Most cats are. I can watch and dream without all the messy details of actual contact. After all, what on earth would I do with a rabbit? There's no room in this townhouse for squatters.





Because I'm such an agreeable cat with an incredibly positive attitude, I manage to keep myself satisfied with mere outdoor eye candy. Some drool over cookies through a bakery window. Some unfold big pictures from the centers of magazines. Me, I have my birds and bugs and rabbits and a 1/4" thick piece of glass between us.



P.S. I have to thank Gloman for the bird, bug and bunny photos. There, another rule followed.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Houseguests or HGTV?



Hi everyone, Katie here.

I'm a very smart cat. Good looking too, but that's not relevant at the moment. I can put two and two together. I can read the signs. I'm concerned. Actually, I'm very concerned. Glogirly is spending a lot of time in places she doesn't belong. She's been making improvements and tidying up in all the bedrooms and bathrooms that she doesn't use herself. Yes, she's a neat freak. So am I. But this goes way beyond her neat freakishness.



I've already spoke of the downstairs red room being converted to a guest room, bed and all. Well there's more. There's a bathroom down there too that never gets used. Except by me. That's where my litter box is. Out of the blue she's making it all fancy. New photographs hanging on the wall. A new hand towel and a fresh bar of pretty soap. She's scrubbed the floor and tucked my litter box out of view. I've even heard talk of a new rug.



The same kinds of things are happening in the upstairs bedroom and bath. I have a very bad feeling. This is not just your ordinary guest who will come and go within a 24-36 hour window of time. She's making these rooms so nice that I fear we may be looking at a more long-term situation. I simply cannot live in an environment where intruders, pretending to be all friendly and happy, take over my space. How will I get to my food and still avoid contact? How can I possibly navigate a path to my litter box when some stranger is snoring a few feet away? How can I do all this and be expected not to hiss?! There will be no place to hide and I will have no choice but to maintain a 24-7 guard post. I can kiss my napping schedule goodbye.

I only hope that these preparations are nothing more than glogirly watching a few too many HGTV shows. To be safe, I'm going to hide the remote. I will keep you apprised.


Friday, July 10, 2009

Trading Spaces



Hi everyone, Katie here.

It was a virtual HGTV show in my townhouse today. And I did not like it one bit. Every once in awhile glogirly decides to move things around on me. A chair from upstairs may suddenly show up downstairs. A bed may move across the room. It's all very stressful. These changes interfere with my daily rounds. You see, everyday I systematically walk the townhouse and investigate each room to make sure nothing is out of place. Anything that doesn't belong or has been moved must be inspected. It's incredibly time consuming. But someone has got to do it.

Often when things start moving around there's a great deal of chaos. Chaos makes me uncomfortable. There's the squeaking of furniture feet on the floor. Clutter everywhere while she decides where each thing she's touched will ultimately be placed. Spray cleaners spraying. Vacuum cleaners vacuuming. You're probably starting to get my point. My day has been turned upside down. I have to supervise every move she makes and my napping schedule has been severely compromised.




This particular home improvement episode lasted the better part of a day. It began with turning the downstairs red room into a guest room. GUEST room. I've got a bad feeling about that. At least now there's another bed in the house that I can help make, leave my hair on and hide underneath.



It all culminated with the relocation of the most important element of the house. My litter box. Glogirly thought she could make me like it by gushing at me about what a good kitty I am. If she only knew how ridiculous she looks. My box didn't move far, so I'm not going to make a scene. She's got it hidden behind a curtain now so although it's a little dicey getting to it, I at least have a bit of privacy. I'm still going to dig with reckless abandon and spray my litter all over the place. That's the price glogirly must pay for making me poop in a box.



Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Happy B-Day, Blogger



Hi everyone, Katie here.

Blogger is turning 10 years old and I guess they want to hear from all us cats who have made blogging a regular part of their life. They want to know what blogging MEANS to me. What my STORY is. I don't know, I think this could be an underhanded way of gathering a load of sappy, sentimental dribble. Or a sneaky attempt to access my personal information. But my human, glogirly, assures me it's on the up and up. So here goes.



I'm a cat. Blogging has obviously posed some unique obstacles for me. The typing is a challenge with my unusually small paws. I've had to resort to the hunt and peck method. Still, my hair can get caught in the keys. The mouse is typically not a problem as long as glogirly goes easy on my manicures and I refrain from eating it. Blogging has also created opportunities for personal growth. I've gained a working knowledge of digital photography and Photoshop. I can snoop on the internet with the best of them. To be clear though, I rely on glogirly for the majority of my imagery. I tell her what I want and when I want it. Just like everything else.



Blogging has given me a voice beyond my soft squeaks and mews. I'm able to share important opinions and observations of daily life in my own words. Most humans have no idea what it's like to be a cat. They just aren't smart enough. So I help them to see the world through my own eyes. Reading my posts, they can walk for miles on my paws.


Blogging has helped me maintain balance in my life. Not that I needed much help in this department. Cats are known for this ability. We rarely stumble and always land on our feet. Grace is my middle name. I strive for an 80/20 blogging ratio. 80% real life, no nonsense. 20% gratuitous, sentimental gush. This proportion is reflective of my approach to all things in life. 80% leave me alone I'm a cat. 20% loyal, loving companion. Frankly that 20% loving stuff is just an act. And the gush is intended solely for glogirly's benefit. She likes to think there is good in the world. She looks for inspiration through her family and friends. Her glass is always half full.
Me, I'm not quite so naive.



Blogging has strengthened my bond with my human. Ok, glogirly made me say that one. I'm not particularly fond of bondage in any form. Just because the harness and leash is pink and cute doesn't mean it has any business being on my back. There I said it.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Tour Time



Hi everyone, Katie here.

Fireworks aren't the only excitement that July brings each year. It's tour time again. This is the time of year that inspires glogirly and gloman to pull down their bikes from the garage ceiling and don their matching red helmets. Actually, gloman is an excellent bicyclist. He has legs of steel. At least that's what he says.




My favorite parts of the Tour de France are the sunflowers and Bob Roll. Although the riders will sweep through beautiful French fields of sunflowers on just a few of the day's stages, Bob Roll (Bobke to me) is there every single day. Gloman must really like him alot too. Whenever Bobke is on TV, gloman will honor him with an impressive impersonation routine. He'll wear a goofy grin, mispronounce words and flail his hands all around. He just can't seem to get enough of Bobke and his Tour Day France.

BOB ROLL 'BOBKE'
Tour Day France Commentator Extraordinaire

BOBKE BACK IN THE DAY


I'm still looking for all the cats that Bobke talks about. There's Cat 4, Cat 3, Cat 2, Cat 1 and there's even one named Beyond. This Beyond Cat must be a very fierce and scary cat considering how Bobke describes him. But I've yet to see any cats at all. I'm a little disappointed frankly.



Saturday, July 4, 2009

Ooooooh, Aaaaaaah!



Hi everyone, Katie here.

Today is another one of those holidays not intended for cats. Considering I bolt at the sound of the coffee grinder, I'm sure you can understand how fireworks are not necessarily my friend.

The July 4 fireworks can be seen from our upstairs windowsill, but it's right by the big, fancy computer and I'm not allowed to go near it.
(I have to write this blog on a crappy little 12" laptop. Sheesh.) Just once I'd like to see what all the fireworks fuss is about.

With all those oooooh's and aaaaah's it's got to be something really cool. I'll just have to use my imagination.


Friday, July 3, 2009

Catflexing



Hi everyone, Katie here.

In an effort to get healthy, lose weight and compete with my own svelte figure, glogirly has been spending quite a bit of time at the gym. I can always tell when she's been there because she comes home with wet hair, wet clothes and a red face. I'm a lady so I'm not going to comment on the smell. Me, I'm not big on sweating or exercising.
I prefer napping.

I feel ignored with all this working out stuff she's doing. So I've got a strategy. Catflexing. Now I can't take credit for this original approach to fitness. A human named Stephanie made it up. She's even got a book. If glogirly would just start working out with me, she wouldn't need a personal trainer. She wouldn't even need to go to the gym. Think of all the cat toys she could buy me with the money she'd save. Her workouts, just like her life, would revolve around me.



Amazon's got a copy for $ .01 so I just have to figure out how to enter glogirly's Visa number online. She'll never know it was me.


In My Next Life



Hi everyone, Katie here.

When I die, God will likely greet me at the pearly gates and shower me with compliments about what a wonderful cat life I've lived.
He'll be very pleased with how friendly and loving I have been.
Even towards dog people. Sure, I've inappropriately hissed on occasion. I'm a cat. I just can't imagine I'd be sent back to earth for a second run at heavenly worthiness. But just in case, I've decided that in my next life, if necessary, I'd like to be a maid or a hooker.



You see, I love beds. I love everything about them. I love making them. I love playing in them. I love pillowcases. I love flat and fitted sheets alike. Laundry day is the best. It's like a party. I love twirling in the sheets when glogirly is trying to tuck them in. I try to help Glogirly in any way I can, just like any good maid would.


Now I don't know much about hookers. But I hear they spend a lot of time in bed. And they get paid to be in bed. Well I spend a lot of time in bed and I've yet to see a paycheck. So I'm thinking there might be a future for me in this field.




ANOTHER POSSIBILITY: UNDERCOVER AGENT



Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Darn Good Cat



Hi everyone, Katie here.

I had a bad feeling when she left this morning. I even ran down two flights of steps to watch her drive away. Truth is, I wanted her to see ME. Just a little abandonment guilt to throw her way. You see, glogirly spent the afternoon with one of her dog friends. I can smell these things before they even happen.

This time when she came home though, I didn't smell anything suspicious at all. No dog. No cat. No guinea pig. Nothing. Glogirly's friend, we call her hoffy, just lost her little Corgi Girl. Her name was Miss T. Miss T and hoffy were the best of friends. In fact they were a threesome just a few years ago before Tex passed away. Miss T and Tex did everything together. They loved each other very much. Too bad they were dogs, but not everyone can be perfect.



Glogirly and I poke fun at each other and aren't afraid to show our sardonic wit. But I'd really miss her if she went to human heaven and I know she'd miss me if I went to cat heaven. (I can't say as much for gloman.) Once when she was in Maine hiking up to a lighthouse, she tripped over a rock. Just before she said something not suitable for a blog, she realized what it was. A small heart-shaped remembrance of someone's companion and friend. I hope she'll remember me someday as a Darn Good Cat. I also hope she can find a bigger and more impressive rock.